Random Thoughts



I’ve been staring at a screen that is as blank as my well of inspiration, so I’ve decided to fill this space with some thoughts that have flittered across my mind recently but don’t have enough meat to stand on their own.

If you have MS or another chronic illness, have you ever gotten to the point where you seriously wondered what would happen if you just stopped everything on the procedure and medication front? I have, except for the MMJ. I mean, I’ve been receiving monthly apheresis procedures for almost seven years now, have been getting intravenous meds for about ten, and have taken a host of pills ranging from Ampyra to Low Dose Naltrexone, but the progression continues. The IV meds and other procedures no longer produce a noticeable difference or relief. The costs aren’t insignificant either, so why bother continuing getting poked, prodded and stuck with needles? Because while all this is true, the progression has been slow and confined to one limb, and I’m afraid that if I abandon this course of treatment the progression will accelerate and I will join the ranks of the completely disabled sooner than later. It’s kind of like believing in Santa Claus, so I continue. But I know the day is coming, probably once I don’t need to work full time anymore, where I say fuck it and let the chips fall where they may.

Speaking of MMJ, my preferred method of consumption is vaping because I can control the dosage, and choose the amount of THC. Plus it’s cheaper than many of the other options. What I’m finding however is that with all the concern and, in some cases, hysteria, surrounding vaping and its potential health consequences, the vaping options have become very limited. I use to be able to literally choose from two to three dozen options. The last time I looked, it was down to three, and I am not talking dozens. It’s quite annoying!

And speaking of THC, one of the things I have noticed is that when I am under the influence, my thought process is very different. All of the emotion that is often in play when pondering the decisions we make is stripped away, and I view the pros and cons of each choice in a very detached and black and white manner, which is usually good because it brings clarity. Of course, if you have a particularly dicey situation, such as the fact that our house hasn’t sold and I could be starting down the barrel of a winter of financial discontent, it isn’t so good because there is no bullshitting or silver lining to rationalize over and soothe one’s sole, which makes the situation feel a lot worse than it is. Or does it?

If what has gone down in the White House is not impeachable, then nothing is. It’s becoming obvious that in order to impeach anyone, let alone remove any President from office, the key is not what they did, but whether one party controls both the House and Senate. After all, how do you explain the difference between Clinton getting impeached for lying about a blow job and our current resident’s transgressions.

All of which proves that we need term limits for our Senators and House members. If they don’t have to worry about getting reelected, perhaps they’d have the courage to stand up for their convictions.

I have no doubt that if the votes in the Senate on the impeachment issue were anonymous, the outcome would be very different than what we are going to get.

My favorite thing about winter is that I can swing into hibernation mode without any guilt. Since it gets dark so early, I have no reservations about calling it a night, getting into my sweats and hunkering down for the evening by seven.

Does anyone watch the news, network cable or otherwise anymore, or do most of us get our information off the web? It’s the latter for me, but it is getting harder to get news that isn’t biased one way or the other.

Am I in the minority thinking that the world is going to hell? I swear that I’ve read about shootings somewhere in the world every single day for a week, and that a week doesn’t go by without news of someone killing a handful or a mass of people somewhere. Is it anger, hate, isolation, desperation, fame seeking, or a combination of them all? Whatever the reason, it’s scary as hell.

I’ve been telling myself lately that as bad as things seem, it still hasn’t reached the level of discord that this country saw in 1968. I was only a kid back then and didn’t have a clue about what was really happening, but having seen some documentaries on what went down that year, I probably would have been more fearful of what was happening to this country had I been an adult than I am now, which is saying a lot. Still, can we survive another four years of the current regime?

Be that as it may, it feels like I am experiencing 1984, not 1968. George Orwell’s 1984, that is.

Professional hockey players are the toughest, best conditioned athletes in the world. After all, they are in a flat out sprint most of the time they are on the ice, travelling at top speeds of 30 MPH, surrounded by and crashing into opponents who are just as big and fast as they are. If I’m not mistaken, there are more concussions suffered in hockey than football. Plus, these guys are wielding sticks that have a habit tearing flesh, smashing teeth and breaking bones. They also willingly drop to the ice to prevent a screaming puck of hard rubber from reaching the goalie. They simply get stitched up, or visit the dentist office that is in most NHL clubhouses, and get back on the ice. I admire their skill and tenacity, but often think they are a bit insane.

Only ten weeks before pitchers and catchers report for spring training. Can’t wait.

If you had a chance to look into the future and see what was in store for you and your loved ones ten years from now, would you do it? Not me. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.







Author: Steve Markesich

I am loving husband, a doting father, a Red Sox fanatic, an aspiring novelist and MS advocate. Feel free to check out my stevemarkesich.com web site.

12 thoughts on “Random Thoughts”

  1. Another 4 years? I don’t think so. Let’s hope people start thinking with their own heads.
    And yes, we’re doomed. I’m not optimistic at all. Btw, I stopped watching news a while ago. I watch satirical shows these days to get informed.
    Keep believing in Santa.

    Loved these random thoughts of yours.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m glad your random thoughts aren’t making you crazy. There are days that I have so many different subjects spinning around in my head competing for my attention that I just want to “turn it all off”. I absolutely hate the darkness that comes with winter so I wake up and rush rush rush and ultimately overdo it so frequently that I end up sleeping for days at a time paying for it if you will. As far as the stop of treatments, I do think about it often. ONE time I did, I stopped everything cold turkey. That was a very bad idea. The shitty thing about stopping treatments is that there really is no way to tell. MS has a mind of it’s own. It could be resting on its own or acting up on its own at the same time you decide to test a theory… frustrating for sure. I’m currently laid up again ( knee surgery last week), if you have time drop me a line? On the house sales front, no bites on my parents house either. Frustrating!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I love “random thought” posts (as you can probably tell when reading my own blog), and this one was a gem! But you left a lot of questions out there to answer, and you know me. I will (in reverse order):

    * Yes, I would peer ahead if I could. I don’t believe fate is decided but if I could see a possible future I would know how to correct (or resume) my course. I had a dream last night that I argued with a friend about the relevance of time. Weird.

    * If I had more time I’d watch baseball and hockey. For very different reasons, they both allure. I actually watched some baseball last year, albeit as it played in the background. But only a few innings at a time. I’m nowhere for three full hours anymore (except in front of the screen pacing for Rams games).

    * I think you are in the majority about the world. Most people, most of the time, think this is the last era (whatever era this is). But, as I say, the long arc of history proves otherwise. In the long run, society tends to advance. Trump is a bump, not a wall. Term limits, however, will be critical. As will ousting the sons of bitches that want to feed the rich, ignore the poor, and strip the planet of its green, full life.

    * I put CNN on in the background, many evenings, to hear the pundits debate. But I get my news from the ‘net, like you. Cable news is political entertainment. I scroll Google news all day long, just to see what’s making headlines. I also have a saved list of alternate news, which I read when I am really feeling fervor.

    * I wondered if you still vaped.

    * Keep believing. You have a promising 10 years ahead.


    1. I still have faith in mankind, and hope I live long enough to read what the historians have to say about this President, the Republican Party and Mitch McConnell. As for now, I hope for the best, expect the worst, and wonder what event will occur that will be the impetus for getting everyone’s heads out of their asses


  4. Yes, what would my chronic illness do if I just quit taking everything! Truth, I’ve done this twice in the past… not pretty! Mind F. Yes, terms for all political seats, minimum wage and no health care! They can get health care just like the rest of us. Who would run? Hmmm…. I agree hockey players are the best athletes and the easiest to deal with off the ice. Must be that ‘sprinting thing.’ Don’t even get me started about athletes salaries. Play ball!👊🏻 (Cap those salaries, make a play, then you get a bump in said salary.) Oh! PJs at 7 sound good to me. Nope. Would never want to know the future! Death and taxes, only two things I am sure of in my future. Great post Steve… I rambled my way through this comment, sorry. Should’ve done the * like Tom!😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. good post Steve. I’ll stay away from the Trump stuff. we’ll never agree.
    I love MM. I smoke daily now and it gives me great relief and clarity of thought.
    Going off the meds and letting shit happen? How did you know that that my next story would be about that?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really like this random thoughts post…something for everyone. Hmmm….I’ve thought that if/when CA returns – and it always does unless something or someone kills first – I’d call it quits. It’s easier to say that vs. do it..especially if one is ‘relatively’ young. When I think about that though…about the fact that OUR (USA) meds are soooo expensive that one considers death as opposed to continue living…well, that is F’ing disgusting, isn’t it? And the wealthy get wealthier and buy more homes and cars…and everyone else suffers and dies because we are not millionaires. I still don’t watch/listen to news…what I already KNOW is bad enough.

    Liked by 1 person

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